Some people struggle with being authentic or what’s also known as being true to yourself. Ad blasts, streaming social media trends, and influencer hype can easily suck them in and make them loose track of time and self. Perhaps you also get caught up in this sometimes.
Do you feverishly follow the latest fades and trends? Do you emulate and adopt the opinions of celebrities, influencers, Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs), and other personas you follow on social media and other media sources? Do you form your views based largely on those of others, or do you conduct your own research and sometimes get curious about those who possess contrasting viewpoints to yours?
If this resonates with you, consider this. While it can be entertaining and fulfilling to be involved in the lives of others and to be part of a large social network, it’s important to recognize that personal meaning and fulfillment cannot be solely derived from external sources.
To develop authentic veiwpoints, real meaning and establish your values and sense of self, you need to lean into your own identity and perspectives, behave in ways consistent with them, and stand up for what you think and do. This is the way to create a meaningful life because it’s based on your reality and your own terms.
So, Take the time and live your own experiences to discover what is authentic for you. Create your unique life based on your personal set of values and beliefs, gain the sense of self that reflects the real you by sharing it with others courageously, openly and honestly.
What Does Authentic Mean
You might wonder how do you determine what’s authentic for you. First things first. Let’s get clear on what authentic means.
Definition of Authentic Self
People describe and define the authentic self in a lot of different ways, but a good straightforward definition is being true to yourself and consistent in your values, thoughts, actions, and expression.
In other words, it means living your life according to your own values and goals, rather than those of other people. And, the only way to really know if you’re doing this is to regularly check in with yourself, listening to you, and trusting what you hear. No one else can do that for you.
A How-To Guide For Being True to Yourself
Being true to yourself is not a one-off thing. In fact, it’s a way of life and something you practice every day until it becomes a habit.
These ten recommendations will likely seem like a lot of work and too much to focus on all at one time. And it’s true. But, you don’t have to do everything, and all at once.
Instead, pick one practice to start with. Try something relatively easy so as not to get discouraged. In addition, when you adopt any one of these practices, it will facilitate your success in adopting any subsequent practice. The effect is cumulative.
1. Check Your Use of Telltale Words
The use of telltale words such as should, ought, must, never, everybody, everyone, and nobody reveal limiting beliefs that obstruct clear independent thought and actions. You want to let go of these beliefs because they typically represent the thoughts of others – your parents, social norms, etc. At some point, you internalized them. Perhaps you were just an impressable child when you did. If you’re like most people, you’ve overgeneralized these lessons through time, applying them to all kinds of circumstances that inhibit you and your free thought.
To let go of these limiting beliefs and make room for more authentic ones, take time to reflect and do thought work. Gain clarity and confirm the integrity of these particular thoughts and opinions.
2. Challenge the Whys Underlying Your Opinions and Actions
Explanations underlying your opinions and actions are sometimes automatic and more reflective of your upbringing and socialization than your personal values, perspectives, openness, and tolerance levels. Check your reasoning. Is it authentically you?
3. Be Self-Aware
Cultivate self-awareness and notice when you’re inauthentic. Over time and with practice you can familiarize yourself with your personal “inauthenticity” feelings, postures, or sensations in your body.
4. Acknowledge and Listen to Your Emotions
Build your emotional intelligence. Acknowledge and listen to your emotions. Don’t block or disparage them. Emotions are not valenced – positively or negatively. Furthermore, within your emotions, you’ll find wisdom if you’re patient, courteous, open, and just listen. It’s OK to can keep some emotions private from others, just be honest and upfront with yourself.
5. Get to Know Yourself On the Inside
We all get internal sensations when something is good or bad. For example, various bubbly feelings imply excitement, joy, and a desire to engage. In contrast, tightness often accompanies a desire to withdraw. When you pay attention to these sensations and get to know what your personal bodily expressions mean, you can use them to help you clarify what you truly want.
They can be subtle, but with patience and practice, they become more obvious.
6. Trust Your Intuition and Sense of What Is
Don’t just pay attention to intuitive feelings or internal rumblings and nudges. Trust them. Whether encouraging or discouraging, take them seriously. Follow their lead just as you often follow the lead of the rationalizations from your analytical mind, which, by the way, don’t always point you in the best direction.
7. Consider the Cost of Acting Inauthentically
You can definitely incur costs from following others and not yourself. The costs may be financial, emotional, physical, social, or moral just to mention a few. To avoid them, be keenly aware of the implications and consequences of just going along.
8. Decide For Yourself and Check Social Media Later
When you decide for yourself, you value and trust yourself. It’s true that others’ opinions do matter, especially those of people you love, respect, and admire. But value your authentic opinions more.
However, be honest with yourself regarding whether others’ differing opinions are wrong for you. Consider whether they’re absolutely wrong, maybe not so wrong, or don’t really matter at all. There’s gain in seeing others’ points of view.
9. Take Responsibility for Your Actions
After a bit of reflection on a particular situation, you might decide you’re at fault in some way. This could make you feel apologetic, embarrassed, or even ashamed. Self-recriminations are not the best next step.
Instead, take responsibility, decide what’s authentic to you, make amends if needed, and choose to take a different course of action in the future. In this way, you open yourself up to a new perspective. With repetition, you’ll consistently adopt more desirable behaviors going forward.
10. Prioritize Honesty
It’s not always wise to be completely honest in some circumstances. However, by assigning a higher priority to honesty, you encourage behaviors that are true for you.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be blunt, rude, or inflexible, but rather you can be more forthright about your ideas, preferences, boundaries, and willingness to compromise when it’s the truth.
11. Say “yes” Only When You Mean It
If you feel conflicted or burdened in any way about saying “yes” to someone, pause and do some reflective work before giving your answer. The gap created by the pause can give you clarity and help you sort out your emotions and motives. This way, we offer a more authentic reply. Through numerous repetitions of this practice, you’ll soon find yourself responding in more authentic ways, and, perhaps releasing big habitual burdens.
12. Allow Yourself Space – Personal Time and Space
Allowing yourself space means allocating time and space for daydreaming, creativity, play, and personal reflection – all of which yield opportunities for you to get to know yourself better.
Confidence enables you to act more authentically, being more authentic builds confidence. In other words, the more true to yourself you are, the more confident you’ll be about your values, ideas, and actions. When you trust in them and confident take actions based upon them, you’ll express your authenticity.
Remember when you’re true to yourself and stand up for your actions and words, not only do you respect yourself, but others tend to trust and respect you as well.
For More On Living Authentically, See:
- My Mind Body Spirit Blog, in particular:
- Starchaser Personal Growth workshops online and in-person workshops
- In-person and virtual Spiritual Life Coaching and Energy Healing Sessions
Updated March 3, 2024
