Encouraging Engagement at Work

Is this authentic appreciation or not

These days, filling vacancies and retaining staff are hot topics for employers, senior executives, and human resource staff. The big issue is how to improve employee engagement and satisfaction. From the employees’ perspective, appreciation is a key driver of engagement. According to Glassdoor, four out of five employees (81 percent) claim they would be motivated to work harder if their boss showed appreciation for their work. Yet, as various authors point out, to be effective, expressions of appreciation need to be authentic and relevant. Gary Chapman’s model of 5 Love Languages offers some interesting insights. And, he and Paul White created tools to apply his model of love languages in the workplace. (See The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.) Nevertheless, I want to stress a few points of caution to better ensure results in the form of relevant and authentic appreciation.

What Are The 5 Languages of Love or Appreciation?

Chapman’s 5 Love Languages model suggests there are five primary ways a person might prefer to receive and offer expressions of love or appreciation. These are through touch, gifts, words, quality time, and acts of service. For example, one survey reported women are more inclined than men to prefer acts of service, while men are more prone to favor touching and receiving gifts.

Love languages are not completely fixed. As a matter of fact, a person may favor more than one way, and his/her choices can vary over time and across contexts, e.g., professional vs personal relationships.

Human Innate Need For Connection and Engagement

Just like with all other mammals, connections are innate and imperative for humans. We need them to survive, thrive, and perpetuate the species. For example, work environments are based on interaction and connections with lots of different people. Some are one-on-one and others are in teams.

Each one of these connections is a form of engagement. They illustrate how employees make and sustain relationships, whether short-term or enduring. And, how a person expresses or perceives appreciation within these different contexts can be just as varied.

What Are Authentic Appreciation and Feeling Appreciation

The ability to express authentic appreciation is a critical workplace strength. Here “authentic” means it’s honest, reflective, informed, and appropriate to the situation.  Recipients of false or tepid appreciation can easily pick up cues in the voice, facial expression, eye positioning, and posture. Similarly, a gesture that fails to resonate with the recipients’ values, temperament, and preferences can actually backfire.

Language and some words can be confusing and inconsistent. Appreciation is one such word. It’s possible to objectively appreciate in the sense of an acknowledgment, appraisal, or assessment. But the kind of appreciation that promotes engagement and commitment is a feeling state. Feeling appreciation involves and even requires emotions. Therefore, it comes from the heart. It is not the same as acknowledgment, appraisal, or assessment.

A Few Cautionary Points About Love Languages in the Workplace

Many people are simply unaware of their preferred language in their personal or professional lives, having never thought to assess it. Consequently, they’re less likely to perceive others’ preferences in either context. Thus, creating awareness is a good first step. Once attuned, employees are more likely, even without prompting, to request certain gestures from others and inquire about others’ preferences. This opens the door to more understanding, mutual respect, empathy, trust, and quite simply greater humanity within the workplace. The model, its basic principles, and underlying rationale create awareness.

Importantly, these languages are unique to an individual, and not fixed according to sex (e.g., male or female), or some other social categorization. In fact, I’d like to suggest that, in addition, the role and scope of gender, age, stature (e.g., manager and direct reports), and culture can create differences and elicit preference patterns as well. 

Furthermore, how a person utilizes his/her knowledge of Love Languages in the workplace will depend on his/her position and the types of relationships within the workplace. Certain more personal gestures of appreciation delivery by distant chief executives lack the authenticity of a supervisor or colleague.

Time spent interacting with colleagues outside the immediate task at hand can enrich work relationships, deepen personal relationships, and enhance commitment and productivity. 

For all involved, the feeling of being understood and accepted creates more effective communication, a healthier work culture, and increased engagement, satisfaction, staff retention, and success.

For More on Authentic Appreciation and Love Languages in the Workplace, see:

• My Mind-Body-Spirit Blog, particularly the Empowering Your Staff category,
• Is Overstepping Boundaries at Work Causing You Grief
• Integrated Workplace Coaching
• Staff Development Workshops 

Or, Contact Me